“ I need to cry and vent but I just put this wall up. Acting like everything is all good, but in reality i’m looking for something. “
- J. Cole
Acceptance usually isn’t a bad thing. When we mention the word acceptance, very rarely do we think of it in a negative manor. Looking for acceptance however can lead us into some of our biggest downfalls and disappointments as humans. When we are looking for others to solidify us we take away from our own genuine actions and instead our demeanor leans toward actions that will make you more noticeable or the pleasure of feeling wanted in this world. Doesn’t sound bad right? Well, it can be unhealthy.
A lot of time this happens subconsciously and our intuition doesn’t notice that we are doing this for acceptance but needless to say that we must ground ourselves to notice our ways and be more mindful of what makes YOU, YOU. Getting beside yourself for someone else’s co-sign or for the pleasure of feeling needed is toxic. You can only seek acceptance from yourself. Trying to find through others will only lead you to confliction, resentment, and disappointment.
Thank you for reading! As always, give feedback and recommendations.
“I think it becomes a real problem letting another man motivate you. I don't think that's the way to better yourself.”
- Dennis Smith Jr.
As I read through a recent interview including Dallas Mavericks rookie
Dennis Smith Jr. this statement stood out to me and I wanted to go into further elaboration on what I think.
I believe letting another man INSPIRE you is just fine. Sometimes we don't know who we want to be. Through life experience and seeing what builds purpose in others we tend to envision what we want in our own lives and what we can see ourselves putting forth our energy and effort towards. Inspiration from someone else does not require dependency... Motivation does. Having that said, we don't need another person to motivate us on our OWN goals because of two reasons:
1. We can only create purpose from ourselves as individuals
2. The trajectory of your goals and purpose now rely on another person
When you depend on another person to motivate you it shows that you do not have the ability or confidence to create the fire within yourself to get things done. Also, your performance or the way you go about whatever it is you are chasing is now in someone else's control and not your own. The issue with is that you have nothing to lean on from a moment to moment basis because you are motivated by a PERSON. So when that person isn't there to keep you motivated or not doing the things that keep you on your A-Game you have to rely on yourself. This is when your problem comes into play. You didn't build that accountability and confidence through yourself so when it comes time for you to do it on your own you are lost, all over the place, complacent, and just discouraged. We shouldn't use others for leverage in things we should take accountability for on our own.
Thanks you guys for reading! Contact me for feedback or any topic you would like to hear be discussed.
In case you don't know what's going, or think I haven't been more expressive,
I will gladly sit here and lend you some perspective,
While we live to our stereotypes and not express our pain in different ways
Me and my bro sitting on how we wish it was different days
Even though we don't live the worst of the worst nor do we live the best of the best
Not saying be ungrateful but why should we settle for less?
He told me he trying to change his life, I knew what he was thinking
It's much more to this life other than this smoking and this drinking
Soaking in our pain, trying to drive yourself sane
Couldn't judge him because I was doing the same just as we were speaking
Ironically, I just had this same convo with my dad. His Ex-Wife Mom died and no doubt he was sad.
I felt for him, she seen him in ways his wife couldn't from what he told me.
I couldn't see how he still cared. To me, that was crazy
Because when things weren't in the right angle, she just did a 180.
He made it to the funeral but couldn't make it to see me.
Unexpected but not unsurprising.
I'm not mad, I understand he goes through his own things
If I was different dude I would ignore him when the phone rings.
People say they paint pictures but only create dysfunction
What I distribute makes people consciously well, what you say makes them unconsciously ill.
I'm just that confident and what I do because THIS IS WHAT I DO.
But it's not the only thing I do. Versatility is a necessity.
Different outlets, different opportunity.
Remember that perspective I let you borrow? I need it for my next endeavor.
Because without that and God I'm lost as a loose feather.
A lot of people of color are very reluctant to speak about inner-racism in our own communities. Part of the reason is because some of us think it's non-existent and it's already us versus the world so how could there be racism toward our own people? Whether we glamour over it or not, inner-racism has been alive for decades now and the thing about it is that we kind of just swept it under the rug while others outside of our race blatantly see it for what it is and I think I can explain it in different ways ( everything is situational in my next explanations these examples can be stretched and go in many different ways ).
- Living conditions as an adolescence
Growing up in a black household can be bitter and have a lot of tension. Going to school with the same tension that is at home is not healthy whatsoever and a lot of black parents aren't aware of what you say, do around, or do to your kids shapes them in many different ways. So when I see mom's cursing at there 5 or 6 year old child as if they were adults I see a lack of mindfulness and consideration for one's own child. Things like this can result into ridiculing people at school or even being violent towards them because of the resentment you have for living in your household at times and over time without resolution, being unconscious to the situation, and just sheer lack of communication can evolve into bitter characteristic.
In my opinion, this has to be the biggest reason for inner-racism in our community because of how badly it affects the mental health of our people. Jail itself doesn't turn people into all of these negative things because some people go to jail and actually find light out of it. I'm glad to know people that I seen go to jail and not go back afterwards but the main beneficiary of inner-racism in the community is " Solitary Confinement " now before I go over this I'll just share some statistics I've read from a source:
"The basis for the data is a 2015 survey on the use of solitary confinement in 48 jurisdictions, which represent about 96 percent of all prisoners: 45 states, the District of Columbia, the Federal Bureau of Prisons, and the Virgin Islands. Of those 48, 43 of them—representing 54,000 inmates—provided the surveyors with details on race.
The study concluded that, overall, black male prisoners made up 40 percent of the total prison population in those 43 jurisdictions, but constituted 45 percent of the “restricted housing population,” another way to describe those in solitary confinement. "
This basically states that a little under half of black people that go to prison are put into solitary confinement at some point and the effects of it aren't good. When you are placed in solitary confinement you have no encounter no type of society, not even the society within the jail. That room is you are in is your society and reality. Kalief Browder was a victim to this and he spent hundreds of days in there at 20 years old while his mind is still developing as a young adult. This ruined his mind and subsequently he committed suicide. Being in solitary confinement for so long changes your brain and way of thinking in a negative way, there is nothing positive about it. My belief is that we deliberately get sent to solitary confinement so our brains can be set at this irreversible place that builds hatred and uncertainty so that once we are released from prison our minds are so far gone that we create calamity in our own communities due to negative mental health care. We get sabotaged by the same people who call us violent and hopeless.
Now we all know the imagery some of our black artists, actors, and comedians have put on our culture and some is true and valid while a lot of it is unwarranted and not needed inside of our culture. Now me personally I love rap music and I don't want to seem like a hypocrite because of that, I know how differentiate what I hear and what's reality in some of this stuff but I also see how the youth with no direction can take this and try to make it apart of their lifestyle and it plays a big part in inner-racism especially for black artists who are notoriously known for speaking candidly about living in the ghetto whether it's false or not. I'm not going to harp on this because it's kind of cliche but I will say that it does matter what is open to the youth because a lot of younger kids shouldn't be exposed to some rap music because of it's more lasting affects.
In conclusion, everything listed all plays a role in not only the inner-racism in our communities but the stigma around our communities as well. Our stigma is not prevailing in positive ways and that matters a lot, I can almost say that everything above is factual and if that is true then read it over and you tell me what you see around you in your community from the things we post/entertain on social media to the things actually happening outside of our doors. We need to stop living in this labyrinth and really open our eyes to what we are doing for and to our culture.
Thanks for reading, please give feedback and share with others.
IThe other day, when I was making my way home before I went inside, I stopped and talked to one of my childhood friends from the neighborhood. He’s been in the streets heavy and I could tell the shit was weighing on him by just looking at him, eyes filled with exhaustion. I told him “ I heard you was looking for a job “. He told me he was and began to tell me how he can’t keep going to jail and how “ shit wasn’t how everybody is making it seem “. We began to talk about the 2 dudes that was killed around the corner from us that we almost witnessed, we heard the seemingly never ending shots rang in our neighborhood, I was in awe when it happened but I just hoped it wasn’t anyone I grew up with. It was two dudes who weren’t from the neighborhood and just trapped there and basically brought their beef to our neighborhood. He told me how it makes it harder for them because the cops are hot after a homicide, I knew this already but I digress, I don’t know how probable it is for him to get a job since he has multiple felonies but I pray he gets one... I’m tired of seeing my niggas depressed, oppressed, exhausted, defeated, discouraged, hopeless and many other feelings that shouldn’t be associated with us generation after generation. Shit is frustrating... I wish y’all can see how I can see it.
Me and my uncle was having a conversation in the car the other day and I told him how I liked Jay-Z's most recent album " 4:44 " and how a lot of the topics he was harping on was gonna get overlooked. My Uncle proceeded to say that him and Kanye West shouldn't say the N-Word on their songs anymore. Honestly I didn't see the issue, I feel like myself personally if you take the emotion out of the word, it's just a word in my eyes. Today, I thought about the convo again and I second my Uncle's opinion and here's why:
The only reason they should re-frame from using the word is because they both have a large audience outside the black community but it's much deeper than those other audiences repeating the word after their lyrics. It's more so about the way they make the black community look. Other nationalities are mortified with interacting with us in our communities, so the only way they know what reflects in the black community is through media. The issue with this is that other nationalities don't keep up with our media like we do, so the only major reflections of us that do reach out to them ( I.E. Jay-Z, Kanye, Kendrick, J. Cole ) should be very precise on how they make the black community seem and look. From what I heard on Jay-Z's album, it sounds like he was trying to " Son " our community and put us on game. In reality, we lose power for this because it seems like we need a higher platform's guidance, rarely did I hear him speaking fondly about our community. Other races listen and views it and opinionates us subjectively on what they heard/seen and in their minds all black people are like that.
Give me feedback and comment on what you think.
Personally, I'm not a big fan of Astrology, I like the idea of it but I see people use it in there lives that aren't in healthy or balanced ways. I'll be honest with you guys it's gotten to a point where it frustrated me a bit and here's why:
I looked at my sign and fire sign and was amused by how it was accurate in some ways and how other ways it's not, and that's fine I was surprised anyway, but I can see how some people with not a lot of self-awareness could read about their signs and make it apart of their lifestyle's, I haven't seen this personally but I know there are people out there living by their signs unconsciously or maybe even consciously and I wouldn't recommend this just because I think living like this can take away from you being a genuine person and takes away from human instincts and makes you more into a robot instilled with traits that didn't apply until you read up on something " supposedly " in reflection of you.
Another reason why I've gotten frustrated by it is because it intrudes interacting with others. Humans tend too look at people as people and not judge on anything when they first meet them ( unless necessary ), It's after that 2nd or 3rd interaction ( sometimes longer ) that people start noticing things about other people's traits and this is where Astrology can be a problem. These are the moments where some sort of judgement may happen and Astrology may become this guideline book because that person can do one or two " Bad traits " associated with your sign and now you're labeled as a " fucking psycho Scorpio " or a " boring Cancer " ( To be honest, I do not know nearly any traits associated with signs, just going by example here ) and it's frustrating to see that instead of someone looking at you as a man or woman or just a damn human being, but instead we get these fucking human analytics and it makes me sick a bit. There is someone out there everyday turning someone down or not looking at them eye to eye without even saying a word because they know that other person's sign and don't want to get involved with their " supposed traits ". It's a false reality in my eyes and that's all that comes to me * Lil Wayne voice *. What I think is better to pay attention to about others trait's is their parents, they have a more lasting effect on how we have grown up and our traits versus something we usually don't even read about until we are adolescence.
Thank you for reading. Please leave comments and share.
Ever got so emotional it gave you a burst of inspiration? Or so emotional that you feel like you don't want to do a thing? Emotion takes over our actions more than what we should allow. We make emotion so imperative that it gets in the way, But the moment you can put reasoning over emotion is the moment you gain power within yourself. Sometimes emotion holds us back but reasoning takes emotion out of the picture and only places rationality in your life. Once you can reason your choices, how you feel becomes useless because REASON isn't placed on how you feel it's placed on what makes sense. Emotional choices aren't always a bad thing, emotion can make the reasoning even stronger. This morning, I overheard my Grand mom talking to my mom on the phone complaining about how I didn't have a job currently. It upset me so much that I followed up with jobs I recently applied to and now I have an interview on Friday. Emotional decisions can bring you closer to where you intend to be but a lot of the time emotion can draw you away, you have to choose when it is appropriate to use emotional choices that won't lead to counter-intuitive actions. Staying close to a friend that doesn't help what you want to be focused on is an emotional decision. You are focused on what that person is going to think about you if you distance yourself, that it keeps you from reasoning and making the choice for yourself. Once you take emotion out of your choices, making them becomes a lot simpler for your life.
Thank you for reading...
Today, I was on my way to the library when I ran into my younger cousin. He had lost his phone and wanted me to let him call a number he had written down. I let him call. As he was making the call I remembered the last time I seen him he was asking me to borrow a shirt and now I observe him on the side of Broad Street with a knot of ten dollar bills in his hand and new Jordan's, I told him to stay away from the streets and I wasn't telling him again. After the call, he went on about how him and his associate was going downtown with a weapon and trying to find the dudes who tried to rob him because he was selling weed and blah. At this point I was uninterested in him flaunting about the situation, he told me thanks and went our way. My uncle ( his dad ) complains about him every time his name is mentioned but I think... How can you complain about someone who's in reflection of yourself?
Growing up in a black household isn't always easy, sometimes it's harsh, a very harsh reality. Sometimes we have a lot of dysfunction in our family, so much that we try to take ourselves out of it just to see that it is our reality. If you know you are trying to further yourself sometimes you HAVE to separate yourself from your family and it's hard because you wish you could come to them and be open but you can't. Sometimes it's because of how irrational they are or they just don't see eye to eye with you to respect your thoughts or decisions. Following what your family thinks is best for you isn't always the best thing to do. Notice that I say " sometimes " and " not always " because functional homes don't always apply to this. The points that I am opposing works out in some homes so if following tradition or what your family thinks is best for you works for you, by any means go for it because that's guidance, but I'm speaking to the ones who families don't have much of that or want you to do what's best in the families eye's and not yours. I remember being able to count on both my hands how many words I said to my mom in a week's span. Emotionally, that was hard on me but I'd rather stay to myself versus expressing myself and not getting a thing out of it. Be true to yourself before you sell out on yourself for somebody else.
Thank you for reading.